None of the treatments helped for long
Things got worse and worse, and I grew more and more desperate. I tried to do anything I could that might somehow help, or that friends advised me to do. I went to see a healer and an osteopath, for instance, which cost a lot of money but didn’t work.
I was so desperate I started clutching at straws. If someone told me that this or that had helped them, then I gave it a go. I felt like I had to try everything out.
One doctor then advised me to have microsurgery on my spinal disk. After the operation I felt better for two weeks, but then it was even worse than before. So I was granted permission to participate in a rehabilitation program.
During the rehabilitation program they suggested that I think about maybe changing my profession as a nurse. That came as a real blow, and I fell into a depression. I desperately wanted to work as a nurse again – that was my goal, it was what had kept me going while I was off sick. I was given appointments to discuss training for a different profession. But I didn’t go to any of them. I couldn’t accept that I was so ill that I’d have to change my job.
None of the treatments helped for long. I had a lot of MRI scans done too, to check whether something was maybe damaged after all. It always looked fine, though: no pinched nerves or anything. But I was constantly in pain. It got to the point where I started wondering whether the pain was even real, or whether I was imagining it all. That was really difficult to cope with mentally. Having such bad pain and not knowing what was causing it really got me down.
Eventually I decided to see only one doctor: the doctor I trusted the most, both personally and professionally. He took me seriously, and also admitted that he really didn’t know what he could do to help me. On the one hand that’s not something you want to hear as a patient, but on the other hand I was relieved that he was being so honest with me. It made me feel like I was in good hands there.